Saturday, October 27, 2001

sigh.. lovely morning.. this is later than i would usually wake up at.. it is going to rain soon.. just heard thunder like 10 mins ago.. it is already raining at J's place.. so the rain would probably come over to my side.. i used to stay arnd his area until my family moved over here.. the air there is so much fresher.. think coz it is nearer to the ocean n stuff.. i miss living there.. it was only a 20 minute walk to the beach.. sigh.. i was and still am very pissed with my parents for wanting to move down here.. the place at the eastern side had been the only place that i really liked.. but it is gone now.. so.. yeah..

talking to DS now over icq.. he will be leaving for church at arnd 10:30am.. i may be passing him my piano.. so yeah.. i told him he can keep it but he said that if it is very precious to me, he will just borrow it n he will return it to me if i want it back.. ok.. he's gone.. said he had to go prepare for church.. i really really hope that he doesn't suspect that i like him..

had written a draft for my essay last night.. right before i went to sleep.. think it was a little manic depressive.. will be writing out the full thing n emailing it to J so that he can read it.. i will ask him for his comments.. my english is getting from bad to worse.. argh.. the standard is so unstable!! i asked DS if there will be english lessons tomorrow.. and he said there might be.. n if there is, it would be at 8am.. asked him if i shld go.. he asked me why shld i bother since my english is fine.. then i told him that i did very badly for the mock exam the other time.. feeling a little insecure at the moment.. so.. i may go. but i will definitely be going for geography on tuesday.. the more lessons i attend.. the more confident i feel abt my geography.. which is good.. since i usually go for the exams "in the dark"..

okok.. think i shld go wash up now.. 4 more minutes before Batman of the Future starts.. gotta rush.. ARGH!!!!!
alritey.. i am back.. i am entering alot of entries.. but i am not addicted.. i am just trying to ease my boredom by recording down my thoughts..

i dun think i really like DS in the kinda "like" way anymore.. i think it is more like i like him as a good friend, a really good friend type of feeling.. so now even if he suspects that i like him, it is ok.. coz i can just tell him that i am not the one.. haha.. poor dear.. he will have to start thinking abt who she is again.. haha.. oh well.. i may tell him that i was the one who liked him.. like maybe 5 years down the road or something.. he told me he would be in the US already. i told him i would only tell him then.. haha.. ^^ i am so evil.. ^^

okok.. i shall go off to write an essay for my teacher now.. shall ask her on what she thinks abt it.. hopefully i will do well..
i am back.. was supposed to log of earlier to study.. but i got kinda drowsy.. so i went to sleep.. terrible rite? oh well.. M was supposed to call me back.. but he didnt.. either that or he tried to call me back but i am logged in.. n he can't get thru.. hehe.. well.. got tired of waiting for his call.. so.. yeah..

talked to DS today on icq.. i wonder if he suspects that i am the one who is the one who actually likes him.. i hope he doesnt.. but well.. the other time he asked me who she was.. he didnt guess my name.. he totally crossed out the possbility that it is me.. i hope it remains that way.. i never want to let him noe that i like him.. it is too.. too.. i dunno wat.. i prefer anonymousity or is it anonymity?? or is it anonyminity???? oh well.. watever.. i just prefer to remain anonymous.. the secret admirer type.. though it does hurt to have to watch him arnd other girls at times.. i definitely prefer to remain anonymous.. i told LM (LH's sis) abt him.. n she told me that she hopes that we can end up together coz she feels that i deserve some reward for liking him for 3 years.. haha.. oh well.. another friend of mine, R, hopes that we end up together coz he likes the drama of it all.. such a lamer.. sigh.. sorry guys.. but i am afraid i am gonna have to disappoint u.. coz i dun intend to reveal the identity of his secret admirer and i only want to remain being his friend..

there is so little to do online nowadays other than updating the blogs and my other online diary.. i will be updating my webbie like either next week or something.. dun really want to spend so much time online now.. i like to stay away from the net for like long periods of time.. so that by the next time i log in, there's lots to do and see.. which is so much better than just bumming arnd aimlessly.. oh yeah.. M gave me the url for a porn site.. just for the fun of it.. such an idiot.. i told DS abt it n he said that since i am a girl, it shldn't matter.. but the thing is. it is kinda degrading to see those kinda pics posted on the web.. i noe. those who have contributed to those webbies have done it of their own free will and they take pride in it.. but well.. i just feel a little uncomfortable abt it.. maybe i am being really narrow minded n stuff.. sometimes i feel fine when i stumble upon those sites.. especially if they do not expose that much flesh.. as in the upper part n not the lower part.. i am fine with those.. but i really cannot stand those hard core types.. i find them a little disturbing.. i admire them for being that daring.. but at the same time.. i feel a little disturbed that they choose to expose the female body in such a way.. ok.. i am beating abt the bush.. the point is.. i dun mind soft porn.. i dun even mind RA shows.. it is even interesting sometimes to look at another's body in full view of all the female assets.. but sometimes.. i feel that too much is just too much.. so.. yeah..

i have pimples coming up all over my face.. yuck.. i wun exactly call them pimples.. i think they are more like temporary ones.. those that just come n stay there for a few days n disappear without a trace if u leave them alone.. oh well.. i will just go n drink more water and wash my face later..

there is no one at home at the moment.. this always happens.. sometimes i really wish that i have a closer bonded family n maybe a bigger family.. i dun like to feel lonely.. sometimes i enjoy being alone.. but i dun feel lonely.. but sometimes when i am at home. n there is no one else at home.. i feel a little lonely.. especially now that i have come home from LH's place.. her family is raelly so closely bonded n stuff.. they talk abt everything.. there's almost nothing that each family doesnt noe abt the other.. ok.. maybe except for the secrets that u have during ur teenage life that u definitely have to keep to urself.. i really want a family like that.. yeah.. my freedom may get restricted in one way or the other.. but if it was for that kinda family.. i really wouldn't mind..

ok.. i think i shld go give M a call.. this entry is getting a little too lengthy.. so.. yeah..

Friday, October 26, 2001

ok.. forget it.. it can't work at all.. maybe i will get a friend to help me at this.. i am terrible at html..
ok.. 2nd try.. the first didnt work..
ok.. the banner is getting in the way.. move the code to the bottom of the page.. wonder if it will work..
yeah.. this is my new blog.. i like the changes that the template has coz it is like me.. i change quickly.. i can be a really nice girl for one second n i can be a total bitch in the next..

this is just gonna be a brief introduction to me.. wat i am like n wat to expect in this blog..

i am basically a very weird person.. some pple see me as unique.. i have different ways of thinking from the norm.. i have different ways of doing things.. i enjoy playing mind games with pple that i dislike.. i like to be nice to the people i like. i hate hypocrites and pple who just give up on life coz they think that life is really tough.. my motto in life is "Shit happens.." so i just get on with life everytime something bad happens.. i am the kinda person who gets really insensitive when bad things happen to my friends.. not coz i dun wanna waste time on them.. but more like coz i dunno wat to tell them or do for them to make them feel better..

i have many dreams and aspirations.. i have achieved almost none.. dun ask me why.. maybe i am just not motivated enough.. i have very strange views of the world.. i may sound overly confident or even perhaps arrogant.. but if you get to know me well enough, u will find that it is not so..

i have several favourite songs.. i shall list some of them here..
Utada Hikaru - First Love
Dubstar - Stars
H.O.T - Song For Lady
Kid Rock - Only God Knows Why
All Saints - Pure Shores
Jars Of Clay - Crazy Times
Jars Of Clay - This is The One Thing
Nina Gordon - Tonight and The Rest of My Life

those are just some of the many.. i prefer songs with meaningful lyrics.. it doesnt matter if it is fast or slow, rock or pop.. i just like songs which can just let me chill and make me think..

i have very different moods.. i can have many mood swings in a day.. as of now.. i am in a "Let's chill" kinda mood coz i am listening to one of those songs which make me feel this way.. so this entry may sound a little depressing.. but i am sure the next few entries will be of a lighter mood and will have happier thoughts..